Plenty of nurses but no drugs

And so to the first of the agency Christmas parties, this one at Bates Dorland – more usually known, the Diary was appalled to learn, as Babes Dorland in reference to the astonishingly high number of gorgeous chicks working there. Surely the advertising industry ought to pay the same lip service to political correctness as the rest of us.

And lo! it seemed a great sickness had visited the place, for there appeared 200 blonde nurses, all clad in white. Many were poor and could afford but little cloth for their dresses which were badly made, with few buttons capable of being fastened.

Of course, in the Eighties, reference to a Christmas party with an all-white theme could only have meant one thing – cocaine and plenty of it. Agencies nowadays are rarely that vulgar and leave the social inadequacy inherent in drug abuse to their colleagues in media sales.

Anyway a good, old-fashioned fun time was had by all – especially by the lurching, dribbling man with balloons down his vest and wielding a stick with which he “tickled” a number of the nurses in ways that seemed to try the patience of these angels of mercy.

The Diary would like to take this opportunity to apologise and promises not to do it again.