Ladies, let Des find your Pro Zone

Desmond Lynam, or “Dishy Des” as he is known to legions of undersexed suburban housewives, served up a treat at last week’s press launch of ITV’s new flagship football show, The Premiership.

The silver-tongued (and haired) cavalier didn’t seem impressed with the nerdy new technology which was unveiled to boost audience figures.

Des looked skywards as Terry “cockney sparrer” Venables enthusiastically explained Pro Zone, a new device to track players’ movements and aid “post-match analysis”.

Lynam was even less impressed by the “Tactics Truck”. Rolling his twinkling eyes, Des said: “Tactics Truck – yeah, absolutely terrific.”

Then, within earshot of a hack from the Manchester Evening News, he explained that there was a far better reason for viewers to tune in: a desire to see Manchester United lose.

“I think there’s enough people who hate them to keep the audience figures high,” Des said wryly.

The Diary couldn’t agree more.