A not so pure take on Scottish theme

If you’re on the Tube on July 6 and hear the faint, distant sound of bagpipes, don’t be alarmed. It is simply the “Pure Scotland” campaign hitting the London Underground. Obviously bored by having nothing to do during Euro 2004, Highland Spring Natural Mineral Water and VisitScotland have teamed up to distribute 300,000 bottles of mineral water to commuters left parched by the Third World conditions that make travelling on the Tube in summertime such a pleasure.

The Diary welcomes this kind gesture, but has bad news for Highland Spring and Visit-Scotland – unfortunately you’ve been beaten to it. Outside the Diary’s local Tube station, popular Scotsman Douggie is constantly offering commuters a Pure Scottish experience. He is less enthusiastic, however, about helping to cool passengers down by sharing his deep-fried Special Brew.