Wish you were here? No, I’d rather be in zone one

The 26 million yearly visitors to London delight in the musicals of Andrew Lloyd-Webber, the street entertainers of Covent Garden and the Changing of the Guard.

However, next year this could all change. An expected 4 million extra tourists will push hotel prices in central London sky high. So the London Tourist Board has come up with a novel idea: visitors should seek accommodation outside zone one.

Camberwell, Wood Green and Harlesden will soon be competing with St Tropez, Acapulco and Bali for a share of the tourist dollar.

Kebab shops, minicab offices, litter, grimy pubs, chip shops offering lukewarm cups of tea and a fight are, funnily enough, not the things a dream holiday is made of.

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