Brazilian bovine bash goes belly-up

The Brazilian government was intending to officially announce the launch of its beef export programme last week.

Hoping for a mardi-gras atmosphere and a schmooze with the country’s top politicians, the Diary hot-footed it down to their Green Street HQ in central London.

But the event was cancelled and the Diary trudged back home in despondent mood.

Explaining the cancellation, a spokesman said: “The wife of one of the dignitaries involved has been taken ill. We hope to put the event back on in two weeks.”

Rumours that the illness has anything to do with the beef are udder bull, the Diary has been assured. So perhaps it was the shock of its most famous export, the ailing Brazilian football team, winning its first match (two-nil against Paraguay) for months.