Carl Pickford, Her Majesty’s Government’s most feared secret agent, has come down with MÃÂ¼nchausen’s Syndrome, the Diary is sad to report.
Pickford (codename 002) has lost all sense of reality, and now believes he’s really the managing director of a “washroom” advertising company called CPA.
Says one MI5 source: “Until his 40th birthday he was quite happy being a spy, but then he started having all these weird fantasies.
“Now he thinks he’s cornered the market in selling advertising space in pub toilets.”
When contacted, Pickford said he had now left MI5 on “compassionate grounds”.
He says: “I’m going to sell my story to Hollywood. It’d make a great script for a movie.”
The Diary has mocked up what the promotion poster for the film could look like.
It’d look great placed above a urinal. Or perhaps that should be “flushed down a toilet”.