‘I sentence you to 90 minutes…’

There should be more justice in the world. We beat Germany, we should have beaten Argentina… wait a minute – we did! But the Diary almost had a heart attack when going through the post a couple of days before the game.

The last thing most of us want to see is a letter with the words “Notice to attend jury service” stamped on the envelope. Unfolding the letter inside revealed an official-looking coat of arms at the top. Hands trembling, the Diary read on… “We apologise for causing alarm, but it was necessary to confuse your boss. As you know, England play Argentina…”

Aha! It was all a lie! It was those dirty tricksters at Farm trying to winkle the Diary out of the office and down the pub for the match. Good try, Farm. Maybe next time, eh?