Trust me and I’ll nick your crisps

It seems that Des Lynam’s time as the nation’s favourite uncle has come to an end. Your mum would rather giggle coquettishly and let jug-eared crisp thief Gary Lineker read the meter these days, according to PR consultancy Countrywide Porter Novelli (CPN).

In a press release to publicise its otherwise deadly dull “multivariate statistical analysis,” the company reveals that when it asked people to decide how much they trust various personalities to tell them about products, the Silver Fox lost out. Back to the plant food then, Des.

So accurate is CPN’s technique that it threw up (their words) Johnny Vegas’s name to front a food hygiene campaign. The Diary can only marvel at the insight. And wonder why neither Gary nor Des could be trusted to bring us the right result against Brazil.

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