Get this snake in the grass…

It seems to be retro toy week. In addition to the wooden cement mixer, the Diary has received a version of top childhood board game Snakes and Ladders. But this isn’t any old Snakes and Ladders.

No: it’s even more dull. Instead of being a mindless game of chance, Snakes and Ladders is now an allegory for European car sales, thanks to PEP Training and Consultancy (“Solutions to the Motor Industry since 1993”).

With catchy little phrases at the top of the snakes (and the bottom of the ladders) such as “Dramatic increase in multi-franchising” and “NFDA survey shows improved dealer attitude”, the Diary is confident that children everywhere will be torn away from their PS2s. Just don’t let them start fighting over who gets to be BMW…