Tattoos that could make you frightening for a day

Are you the office weed? Bet you are. Look at you, you snivelling wretch. It’s your turn to fetch the coffee again, and this parcel needs to go as well.

If only you didn’t have to take this constant harassment. If only you were more assertive, even frightening maybe. Well, as ever, the Diary has the answer to your prayer. Creative consultancy Cake has created what it calls “temporary hard man tattoos”, carrying legends such as “cut here” and “made in England”.

The tattoos are indeed convincing – one notoriously meek Marketing Week staffer intimidated his way to a five-grand pay rise, promotion to managing editor and a company car before midday. Unfortunately, they are also ephemeral and he was sacked over lunch…

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