So hacked off with the meejah

After last week’s revelations of Westminster Council’s addictions to bad puns and confectionery, the Diary is delighted to bring you details of someone else who obviously takes the Diary as a role model – after all, conformity is the spice of life.

The Diary is fed up of having to wait for people to drop stories onto its desk, so when the executive editor of a top showbusiness magazine got in touch, bemoaning the lack of self-promotion in the British entertainment industry – according to his representative, said magazine hears about “virtually… zero events or stories happening in the UK” – the Diary asked around the office.

Much to its chagrin, it was met with mocking laughter – apparently, one is supposed to do something called “journalism”, which appears to involve finding stories for oneself. What a strange industry this is…