Ever tried to knock down a Martello tower using a raw egg on a string? How about catching grasshoppers in the dark? The people at Standard Life Bank have tried all that. Far too easy, it was. So now, they’ve taken on a real challenge: persuading the public that being chained to a pile of gradually deteriorating bricks, slates and plaster while the best years of your life rush past outside the window as you save up for a new boiler and sink steadily into the settee is actually great fun.
According to research carried out on Standard Life’s behalf, 85 per cent of homebuyers would “love to get rid of their mortgage”. The rest, presumably, take some sort of masochistic pleasure from being heavily in debt.
Standard Life’s marketers are made of sterner stuff. Undeterred by the statistics, they want to persuade us that a mortgage is a passport to the lifestyle people want, and not a baleful millstone. They’ll be finding something nice to say about Geoff Hoon next.