Pilau-t the cork from Balti Wine

Belllllllllllsh. That’s better. Pass the Balti Wine, will you? Ever at the forefront of gastronomic trends, the Diary has, at great risk to life and limb, agreed to consume the first wine ever to be given a “chilli rating”. Disappointingly, the rating does not correspond to the spiciness of the booze.

Nor, as far as the Diary can make out from the company’s website, is there any linear relationship between a wine’s chilli rating and the heat of the South Asian dishes it is designed to accompany. And the nagging suspicion remains that, like its namesake, it was originally produced in Birmingham…