‘I had that Andrex brand icon on the side of my cab once…’

The Diary had the strangest of experiences last week. After hailing a cab in central London, it realised something was amiss when the taxi driver’s banter wandered to the left of Enoch Powell. The driver then proceeded to take the most direct route between destinations. Things got really eerie at the end of the journey when, having been in the cab for a full 15 minutes, the Diary fumbled around for the usual &£40 fare, only to be told: “Don’t worry about it, Guv.”

Dazed and confused, the Diary left the taxi, only to be confronted by the Andrex puppy staring lovingly into its eyes. At this point the Diary vowed to stop buying its fresh mushrooms from that strange shop in Camden. Fortunately, the friendly cabbie explained all.

The free taxi was part of a promotion by Andrex for the launch of its Quilts toilet roll, intended to “offer a little luxury” to the people of London, Manchester and Dublin. For the whole of last week, anyone who travelled in a white or lilac taxi covered in Andrex Quilts logos, not to mention the Andrex puppy, got their fare payed by Andrex.

On hearing this, the Diary jumped straight back in the taxi and demanded to be taken on a sight-seeing tour of the Lake District. Thanks Andrex.