All singing, all dancing, no talent

(Twang twang twang twang) baby don’t hurt me, (twang twang twang twang) don’t hurt me, no more (twang twang). Sorry. The Diary’s just tuning up in preparation for Corporate Clash, a kind of Pop Idol for wage-slaves, rather than the doleys and trustafarians who appear on the ITV show.

With £5,000, a CD release and a spot supporting Blondie up for grabs – as well as the chance to shout “Don’t give up the day job” at people who actually have one – the Diary is sure the event will be a big hit. Which is probably more than any of the contestants will manage…