An aphrodisiac to get your goat

Horny Goat Weed is not the title of a book for small children, promoting the benefits of bladder-control through a charming cornucaprine allegory. And while it is an anagram of “hot woad energy”, that’s not why it is to be feared.

The real reason the Diary is very worried, after the innocuous-looking jar appeared in the office, is that Horny Goat Weed, “one of the Orient’s most exotic herbs, has been used for centuries to help intensify desire”, is now on sale at Holland & Barrett.

On the surface, this may seem like just another example of the increasingly distasteful crudity of British society. But it hides a deeper menace: the hippies, dear reader, are breeding. Lock up your lentils – it’s going to be a long, hard Summer of Love.

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