I went to see my doctor last week and he told me I had contracted a venereal disease. Somewhat taken aback, I visited a different doctor for a second opinion. He ran a series of tests and came back with mixed news. I was free from any sexually transmitted diseases but, unfortunately, his tests showed that I was in the late stages of dengue fever and had only six weeks to live. With my head in a spin I spoke to a good friend who is a GP. He ran me through a battery of tests and then pronounced me in amazing health for someone in their 40s, with absolutely nothing to worry about.