I was fascinated and excited by the report about Star Refining’s plans to introduce a time-release fluoride crystal product, to be inserted into the teeth, presumably of children, to protect against cavities in “Fluoride capsule launch flouts consumer fears” (MW December 6). The idea was particularly intriguing to me because I understand that fluorides are listed in the US Pharmacopeia as being highly toxic.
The story also excited my oncologist friend, Dr Frankenstein, who suggests a second product for Star Refining’s range that might also make an attractive stocking-filler at Christmas. He proposes a remotely controlled, permanent plutonium drip, to be inserted around the time that babies are inoculated, which would act as a long-term inhibitor of cancer cells.
He asserts that the benefit of continuous exposure to low-level radioactivity would quite outweigh any of its alleged dangers which, if they exist at all, are extremely remote.