Kumquat may, Chuck will cut Coke’s apricot strings

And finally, to the sad news that one of the Diary’s heroes, Chuck Fruit, is to call it a date. He’s decided it’s about lime he quit his plum job as Coca-Cola’s chief marketing officer, and is handing in his office kiwi and, no doubt, cashing in a hefty pension persimmon.

When first told Chuck was throwing in the towel, the Diary paw-pawed the idea, but there was no denying the ugli truth – it was enough to make the Diary quince.

But the big question is – will this grape salesman, this marketing mandarin, really wave a cherry goodbye and put his feet up, or does he have other plantains? The Diary, frankly, couldn’t give a damson.