Press ‘one’ if you wish to employ Martin Bowley

You’re through to the Diary. Unfortunately, your call cannot be taken at the moment, but the Diary would like to take this opportunity to remind you that, should you be in urgent need of a raconteur, private eye, corporate raider, high-class…

Oh, sorry. The Diary was just recording a new voicemail message, inspired by former Carlton Media Sales chief executive Martin Bowley. Bowley has obviously decided that leaving ITV after the promotion of his Granada opposite number, Graham Duff, is no excuse for a career break. On the day it was announced he was quitting, friends, family and those annoying people who phone constantly to offer upgrades were surprised to find that Bowley’s new voice message had already been updated to give details of his full CV, notable achievements, inside leg (inches and cm)… Well, as the Vodafone ad says: “Now is good”.