We don’t sell fags – honest!

Following Phillip Morris’s decision to change its name to Altria to distance itself from its tobacco heritage, British American Tobacco announced yesterday that it is to be renamed British American Definitely Not Just Tobacco (BADJNT) – not.

“We don’t want to be pigeon-holed as a tobacco company, even though we are,” says a spokesman for BADNJT. “I mean, we may go into other sectors. But we probably won’t.”

Imperial Tobacco says it is considering changing its name to Cashina, Latin for pointless rebranding. “We’re sick of people associating us with death,” says a spokeswoman, “so we’re going to go into other sectors. Probably alcohol and handguns.”

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